Hurts A Lot

by Cadence McCracken
(Martinez CA)

You know it really hurts a lot,
knowing you don't care.
I tried so hard, but I've given up.
My efforts got me nowhere.

You know it really hurts a lot
that you don't see all I do.
I clean the house, I get good grades,
but it's not enough for you.

You know it really hurts a lot
when you kick me when I'm down.
Insults and indifference bleed together
until in my own tears I drown.

You know it really hurts a lot,
although I'm not sure why.
I wish that I could completely hate you,
but still for you I cry.

You know it really hurts a lot
because I know you're right.
I don't see myself as selfish and ungrateful
but I shouldn't trust my own sight.

You know it really hurts a lot,
the way my attempts to make you proud are so futile.
I wish you'd see me as a star,
but to you, I'm not worthwhile.

You know it really hurts a lot
when you say I think I know it all.
I'm ignorant, impudent, and totally pathetic,
and I know I deserve this fall.

You know it really hurts a lot,
this cycle where I'm never good enough.
I know the expression is "Tough love",
but your heartlessness is just as rough.

You know it really hurts a lot
how there's a piece of me that still craves your pride.
But even that dreaming part wants to run.
I can't stand being denied.

You know it really hurts a lot
when I see you every day.
You've wrecked me, killed me, ruined me,
but daddy,
I miss you anyway.

© 2011 Cadence McCracken