by Raquel B. Winslow
(port Coquitlam, B.C. Canada)
I do not want to feel or see or breath
yet I long to run and feel the wind again...
as I did before pain met my life
I cry so that my eyes burn and my breath
is no longer mine..
but just gasps I feel escape from deep inside
With every second of my day every
single moment now filled with lossm.
I want to be me again
I am burnt and twisted and tainted
from what was supposed to lift
My empty heart used to see the sky
used to breath the morning air and smile
only months ago I was me filled with wonder
never known to these fibers beating
today my head aches along with my broken heart waiting
For the.shadows of my life an Their heart... To again be warmth again.
My face as i hug them
That cloud... stands and blocks the sunlite that once carresed my life
every second is saddness now
my eyes fill with tears and I can
still see ...when. .when we shone
I dont know how to let go
I dont know how to stop living in our tiny house
How to knock upon its door so happy and.tell that faded shadow of me and trusting heart...
She will fall she will wonder through the longest desert...
With shoes of stone..and ice
with no hearts,...Of faith ..Trust shoulders that forgot it's child
She laid her souls faith with..In.... now wandering
How to tell her it's. OK. .ask her to hold MY hand
To close the eyes ...
pass me that piece of me that. Before it hits our ground,
Fell from such pain..
Ask her as i bring her here to us.
to my children. .Waiting .breathing..Away from touch but always in here
If... she ..will reach inside and pull a piece of the magic she was graced to live and wield and guide their lives with...
Pull from light ..and surrender a tiny spark that will spread again into my broken dead heart
but I have to find how now
because I am slipping away
I am becomming a shadow that does not breath or see lite
tht cries in the nite tht waits for moments that will never..
again that hides her heart away now
and no one sees it not the little hands or the minds I carry
nothing touches me now
I am just what is left after
L I F. E..
The knife severed them from...my still breathing self
I am no one again after finding me
I have lost my essence my sweet giving
my faith my believing has been hidden
pain has placed pain upon my nieve heart
I miss life
in dreams i place me nowhere
I am nothing
and I miss my world
I saw and I dont know
if magic will ever let me find it living... Inside,... Me again
so I sit hurting hiding my heart hiding me...away