Humorous Poems

Big Misunderstanding 
One day as I was sailing,
Near the ocean in a cay
I saw a fin approaching
on a shark who looked quite gay
"Oh no, I screamed and shuddered
Whatever ...

School is Boring 

As i get to school
I try to have some fun
but without this technique
school would be really dumb

As I walk to my friends
they all say i hate ...

Fightin' Irish 
Why do people keep calling me Maggie?
It makes me feel just slightly gaggie.
I ...

Look Ma, No Hands 
Where do the teenagers get their fashions?
With everyone else they seem to be clashin'.
The twenties ...

Bed Time 

Her teeth are on the night stand,
Her hair is on the door....

Daisy the Dangerous Duck 
Daisy the duck is a dangerous duck,
If you spot her then please stay away,
She juggles with knives, endangering lives,
While blowing up things everyday....

A Different Kind of Hero 
Billy Bob was a handsome guy
With Three good teeth and an ugly gold tie
Since he was small all the kids used to say
Billy Bob you're always in the way
...

My Tiny Bikini 
My Tiny Bikini

Later today I’ve a trip to the beach
But I can’t find my costume; it’s not within reach,
I’ll just have to buy one, I whizz to the ...

The Craven 
Late at night I watched the tube, and while my eyes were fairly glued
At the economic graphs and stats they’d all excitedly report
I resolved to flip ...

Ode to Twitter 
With the bright summer dawn when I roll up and yawn,
The first thing I do is to switch the news on.
Not the teevee with banter among heads full of chatter
...

POEMS!! AH!! 

Poems, Poems, Poems,
-Which I really hate!
Now I have to write one,
Oh that's just GREAT!

"It's hard enough to rhyme a word!"
That's what says ...

howdy doody 
I gave my friend a dime
to see his mother climb
a giant forest pine
in almost record time

She couldn't get back down
she jumped and hit the ground
...

Born to Work 

I wasn’t born to work you know,
Not like a snail is born to slime,
Pecuniary incarceration.....
That should be a crime!

I don’t do any damage,
To ...

The Criminal 
I once met a man from the jail.
He left,and the cops have no trail.
A boy who was passing
said,"'scuse me for asking,
You the oaf with the cops on ...

My Trip to the Doctor 

I visited the doctor
I was in sad shape no less
I had a rash on my behind
What a terrible mess

My stomach was turning
I was nervous as heck
The ...

Football Cheer!!!  Not rated yet
Riff riff ree!
Kick 'em in the knee!
RIff rif rass!
Kick 'em in the- *Gasp* THE OTHER KNEE!

The Massive Bum   Not rated yet

It's big alright
It is in your face 24/7
It's big and round and never goes down
She needs size XXXXXXXXL undies to fit this rather large proportion ...

Carrie  Not rated yet
Carrie can you carry my canarie colored can?
Could you cook me some cookies?
Or color my coloring book
Could you also remember Callie loves you
Schmookumz ...

Colour Me Tuesday  Not rated yet
Well colour me Tuesday,
My braces are lost,
All the laces and bows
Are undone.
A sesame sunset
Is smouldering down,
And the
Race of the humans
Is ...

I Was Once Banished ....  Not rated yet

I say now Chaps, won't you let me in,
I'm not going to do that, 'thing' again.

I've cleaned up my act (with a high powered jet)
And believe me, some ...

Shabby Dog  Not rated yet

Shabby Dog paws the glass
Then proceeds to pause
And Bark;
'Grant me entry to your home!
For I do not wish
To be left
Alone'


Shabby dog is ...

Spineless  Not rated yet
I had a friend by the name of Tim
He was accustomed to people walking all over him,
Used to being a peasant by the throne,
He lamented the day that ...

Rainy Day  Not rated yet

Rainy day,
cloudy day,
splashing in
the puddles day.

Rim Shot  Not rated yet
The one time I got talked into buying some stock
Left me between a hard place and a rock.
Miss Piggy ...

Epigram for Honesty  Not rated yet

(Prompt - Complete this: "2 hamlets side-by-side...")


Two hamlets, side by side,
one plays Polo, Gert his bride
one has lost his corkscrew,...

Its a no no  Not rated yet
Why is it such a no no
When breaking wind
People look on in such disgust
And I know they do it
I know its a must
If you don't blow free
You'll have ...

friends  Not rated yet
friends are loving people that care for you just the way you are.
friends don't talk about you and be in your face the next day.
friends help you when ...

The gooeiest cookie in the World  Not rated yet
I had a gooey cookie
the smell ran around the house
it had a million chocolate chips
that melted in my mouth

I love the smell of chocolate
but ...

Large Man  Not rated yet
There once was a house
In there live a man the size of an elephant
He was indeed very large
When it came to Thanksgiving
Oh that was the worst
His ...

spring  Not rated yet
The wind is blowing like someone blowing a candle out of a birthday cake. Sunny as can be with flowers blooming everywhere: pink, white, yellow, orange,...

IT WAS ALL A DREAM  Not rated yet
BOOM! 6:09 lightning and thunder, a yell, rain pouring
and my alarm clock rang. time for school like the day
before yesterday. At that moment everything ...

The Tory Party  Not rated yet
Strathclyde green, 3pm. “Shapps?” Why yes,
“Pickles?” May have one, thank you.
Turning to the side: “Hunt”
Another pipes up “Oh gosh, forgot the Cameron-...

Star-bucks lovers  Not rated yet
Simon wanted Sally to look at him.

Glancing tentatively then smirking, he chuckled to himself
swilling green tea in his mouth like some hog
and ...

How to Make the Phone Ring  Not rated yet
Say "Call me, darling,"
Give him your number
And give him a wink,
That should make the phone ring
I think.

Be willing to sacrifice lovable things,...

A Flibble for Carroll  Not rated yet
Alopropotorus- a gift to her thesaurus
a crackashock of elementary soil

So she flibberjibbed and doodlebugged
As mum begged her to eat her grubs
She ...

Cuthbert Custard  Not rated yet
Cuthbert Custard, purveyor of mustard,
quite contrary to his name,
was a savoury bread snack connoisseur
and condiments were his game.

Johnny Savage-...