Blade

by Lizzie S.
(New Orleans)

Sometimes I want to talk
Sometimes I want to cry
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I wonder
Wonder about everything
Wonder about life
Wonder about death
Wonder who's really my friend,
who's not
Wonder about lies, should I believe,
should I not
Should I cry, should I scream,
should I keep it inside
Should I ball it up for later, forget;
somehow forget about my past,
start over, a new life, a new identity
Or not
I ponder that over and over
Ponder, and ponder, and ponder
Till I'm sick, make myself throw up
I was so close
I was so close to forgetting,
to getting better
But bam!
Wall down, I can't do it
I won't ever forget, ever
I'm done
I'm over
I'm giving up
Giving up
No more smiles,
no more laughter
That part of me is gone
Gone
There's nothing left to me
Nothing left at all