Completed Heart . . . Depleted Heart . . . Defeated Heart

by Daisy Kizza
(Johannesburg, South Africa)

It's the kind that doesn't seem likely to die
The kind of pain that cannot be spoken
The kind that rips you apart from the inside
With a silence that cannot be broken
When you look at the things that gave you passion to fight
Now your heart wears the scars like a token
And it hurts to the point that the tears burn your eyes
When you think of how you once hoped and
What you hoped for was never meant to be
If you were never to be mine, why did He bring you to me?
Why did He make me the kind to feel intensely?
When He knew that it would lead to nothing ultimately?
It's the kind that breaks all the ties that you bind
All that cultivated trust - unwoven
It's the kind that makes you paint over the truth with the lies
Fill the gaping holes - your heart looks whole again . . .
3 times shattered - maybe I should have known then
That the fact is that I am undeserving
When he broke my heart first - yes - all the truth was shown then
That my heart would be in constant yearning
For something more than just a ray of light then
A little more to keep that fire burning
I would always be a fool for this thing called love then
When the truth is I could never be that girl
Who could survive a million to be strong for the one
Who could stand up and keep fighting in the face of a blazing gun
The girl who still believes even when she's alone -
Why fight for this feeling when I'd rather be numb?
I have no fight left in me - my faith is now spent
Faded to nothing - spirit can't be woken
I prayed for a love in kind to mine and I never guessed
That His answer would still be no and -

I give up on love . . .