Funny Voicemail

Personalized answer messages have been standard for landlines and cell phones for years.  Funny Voicemail Greetings from the writers at My Word Wizard take a humorous approach to this modern day necessity with light hearted, witty messages that will make you laugh, and perhaps even inspire you to create a few of your own.

The quality of the voicemail feature on telephones is so good these days callers might even think they are speaking with you directly, and not your voicemail. That is, if you record the message in just the right way.

Your friends and family will just love calling you with these hilarious messages that will entertain them and make them smile.

We think you will especially enjoy this collection.

Single and Available?

Hi and thanks for calling. If you are a single, attractive, gainfully employed man calling for a date, thank you so much!. If you are a single, attractive, gainfully employed man not calling for a date, please hang on so I can change your mind. All other callers, including my parents, you have reached the wrong number.

Much Appreciation

Thanks for calling me again; you’re really a determined collections agent. I appreciate all the letters too. Again, I appreciate all the attention, but there is a problem. I’m broke. You can keep calling, at least until my phone gets cut off and keep writing, but you still can’t get blood out of a turnip.

A Reason To Pick Up

Yeah you know I’m here, don’t you? Still you have to give me a reason to pick up the phone. My day was already boring. I really don’t want to hear about your bad day or your boyfriend troubles. I don’t even have a boyfriend, remember? If your message is worthy of a callback, you’ll hear from me soon. If not, try again tomorrow. Love you!

See Ya!

Hey mom and dad. Uhmmm I have some really important things to do, so I won’t be able to make it over for Grandma’s party. I hope you still love me because I love you. See ya! (Background noise before hanging up.) Hey___________,let’s go out and get silly. Just told my parents I’m busy.

A Sensitive Guy

Hello, sexy ladies. Sorry I can’t be home to take your call. I’m either at my parents’ house while my mom does my laundry or out at the nursing home delivering a little arsenic to my sugar momma. If you’re looking for a sensitive, caring man, leave your name and bank account. Ciao!

Poetry by Natasha Niemi

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Are you a poet or a funny writer. Our editors are always looking for new pieces to add to our collection. Submit your Funny Voicemail Greetings to our editors by clicking the "contact us" link at the bottom of this page.


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