Hangover 2? Oh No I did it again!

by Peter Allen Eaglesfield Clarke
(Winchester UK)

Hangover 2? Oh No I did it again!

Drinking is clever and terribly cool
If you don't drink then you must be a fool
Last night I was drunk and charming and witty
My jokes were fantastic and my stories were gritty

Then came the point when I ceased to remember
Was I thrown from the club and am I still a member?
Try as I might when I think of last night
I can't recall anything. Was I in a fight?

Hang on wait a minute it's all coming back
My glasses are twisted and the lens has a crack
My shirt is all torn and my trousers are ripped
I'm getting the feeling it's not because I tripped

I remember that girl, she was ever so pretty
I liked her so much that I penned her a ditty
I remember her boyfriend, a rather large chappy
Who came to see me and he wasn't that happy

He was over six feet with lots of tattoos
And his breath was appalling, reeking of booze
His fists were quite large and there was lots of blood as his punch caught my nose with a rather dull thud

But ever the hero, I fought bravely back
And face butted his fist with an almighty crack
At that point I fell over and lay on the ground
I had to concede that he'd won the first round

To be honest the first round was also the last
I was unconscious sparked out on the grass
The Police came and saw a lying down drunk
In urine soaked trousers, passed out like a punk

Then I got arrested as I was lying there flat
It just isn't fair. Where's the justice in that?
I was really annoyed that it was me who got nicked
So I struggled for a while and I hollered and kicked

But five against one really isn't great odds
Especially when you get kneed in the pods
A crowd gathered round and they started to clap
As I was handcuffed and tied with a Velcro strap

I tried to protest when I got back to the station
But no one would listen to my slurred accusation
I screamed at the sergeant and I called her a whore
And I called them all pigs and I kicked the cell door

They gave me a blanket and a weak cup of tea
They weren't the enemy. My enemy's me!
I spent the rest of the night lying down in a cell
The worst thing about it was the horrible smell

Then early this morning I was offered a fine
I think I will pay it. This will be the last time
Never again will I imbibe from the vine
I will stick to fruit juice and leave out the wine


Peter Allen Eaglesfield Clarke
www.eaglesfieldwritten.com