by Warwick Lane
(Eastbourne, East Sussex, England)
Emotional depth is irrelevant without the experience,
So I’m listening to your advice with a tested patience.
Which area of my existence could be improved?
Please shine your torch so I can feel moved.
Oh there’s more than one? How thrilling for me,
Those significant flaws I was too blind to see.
Don’t spare these feelings, just fire your gun.
I’ll let you know when the massacre is done.
Pessimistic? That’s a given, how would you feel
If tarot cards had offered you this shitty deal.
I still stare into the mirror aware of the crack,
Twas the philosophy of Gaga who made me see that.
Yes I know I am paranoid but old habits die hard.
The sickening lack of self-worth has starred,
Defined who I am and presented such misery.
Oh, and left me alone just to add insult to injury.
I could cry to you about all the times I lay quiet,
While those niggling doubts in my head ran riot.
But this material isn’t fresh, so why would you care?
My heart already opened, but the pain is still there.
Remember the times you saw her deep in my arms,
A portrait of sweetness in soft settings of calm.
You didn’t scrape past the stony fake smile,
Hollow nervous tension was there all the while.
The sad truth is I loved her, maybe too much.
While I could spiral, it’s to these thoughts I clutch.
Kidding myself that she will knock on the door,
I really don’t want to be alone anymore.
What were we saying? I may have digressed,
Any more buttons you’re desperate to press.
My poor taste in music, the occasional white lie?
The absent manliness when films make me cry?
I conspired to lose her now I’ll pay the price,
Admittedly the bitter taste of defeat isn’t nice.
There’s always tomorrow, new challenges await,
Just wish she hadn’t left me alone in this state.