Judgment

by Vikki Leach
(UK)

Sometimes I say things I don’t mean
Sometimes I say things I do
What I say when I say it is very true
You don’t know what troubles I have
So don’t act like you do
Sometimes I wish he was dead
Sometimes I want to kill him
The abuse and trouble I go through because of him makes me upset
I don’t always mean what I say but don’t look at me like that
Don’t act like I can’t express my emotions about him, how much I hate him sometimes
Most of the time it now feels like it’s him or me and I don’t want to choose
At the end of the day he is still my dad
But is he?
Should a dad do this to his daughter?
Make her so upset and hate herself that much?
Should he make her hurt herself just to try and cope?
I cope the best I can and I don’t need you passing judgment on me when you don’t know
If you had to live just one day of my life with him you wouldn’t cope
You would understand how I feel most of the time
Some days I go to sleep and I just don’t want to wake up
I want to escape this nightmarish hell that I’m in
So when I breakdown and cry
Don’t judge me