Lamentations

by Tuta M
(Nairobi, Kenya)

I look at my past love life with the romanticism of them classics, with fondness, yearning and utmost longing
When affection was expressed in plain words, when hugs and embraces weren't just a preparation for penetration,
When kisses were intimate not just like in the later,
When the moon and the stars made hands seek and find each other in the blanket of darkness,
When arms found themselves around each other’s waists not caring a pin the thespians utters.
When movies and music had categories and favourites,
When laughter wasn't a rare commodity afforded only on special occasions,
When conversations were natural as night and day not forced like dry stool pellets,
It makes me think my problems wouldn't be as they are, It might be just a consolation but my convictions surrender to the sincerity of the affection felt then to the point of spilling to the present.
Wonders of how a situation like this can bring forth the most wonderful being in my life,
How I wish it was a reaction of yours and my element’s chemistry,
How happy I would be to come domicile everyday
Everyday I fight the restraints to regret, to say what if? Had I not, how would it be, would I still?
The buddle of joy almost cancels the melancholy that downbeats my soul,
The hollow feeling of emptiness yet to be filled for your place has no replacement.
Cosmetic solutions being the reason I find myself in this inglorious spot, tethered to my tenterhooks,
How I wish I had expressed my affection more verbally when I had a chance
How I wish expression of affection holds true like it did not a formality as it is now
How indeed I wish, unfortunately that’s water under the bridge, flowing in ripples and short falls, never coming back, never getting to be again.
I wonder whether this is retribution for my injustices of the past, to you and to any other after or before you,
Whether I am being made to understand the hurt, heartbreak and living in the absence of sincere affection.
Truly one doesn't miss water until the well runs desiccated.
I cling on to the mere hope that tomorrow brings forth better tidings than yesterday
Every smile from my little one treasured and the fuel that pushes me everyday
And what joy I hold to know that at least I was full of affection, felt it and lived it
The uncertainty of future may be certain but I know I will feel again, live again and wake up to one serene and joyous tomorrow.