LOST

by Sozah Ruzario
(Harare, Zimbabwe)

You're lost; if u don't know
where you are.
You're lost; if you're not
where you're supposed to
be
you're lost; if you don't
know where you're
supposed to be
you're lost; if you are
where you're supposed to
be, and you don't know it,
you're lost; if you hear
something important, but
cant understand it,
you're lost; if your owner
can't find you,
I am lost. In my own
house, on my own bed,
she lies next to me,
wrapped in a sheet, I
trace the creases of the
sheet on her back with my
finger, as if it were a map...
as if I were lost, and I was
trying to find my way.
She's awake, i know it... I
can tell from her
breathing. "Good
morning" I say, but my
words are lost to her, she
does not answer, I wasn't
expecting an answer, but
the fact that it did not
come still stings me... the
irony is not lost to me. I
roll off the bed, walk into
the shower. Look at my
face in the mirror, I know
the way to here, I know
where here is, but funny, I
am still lost. she is sitting
on the bed, my phone in
her hand,she says "You
changed your pin" Yes, is
my reply, "what is it now?"
she asks, "why?" I counter,
it is verbal chess, but i fear,
we have both already lost.
"Because I am your wife!"
Wife; the meaning of this
word is lost to me, what is
wife? or husband? who
defines the meanings, the
boundaries, what should
be done and what
shouldn't? Where is it
written that my wife
should know everything?
In some lost parchment?
In that contract, written by
the author of nursery
rhymes "Till death do us
part"? Does the death of
love count? Our love has
been lost for seven years,
and should legally be
declared dead... I say my
love is lost, the same way
you say, lives are lost. She
throws the phone aside,
tells me to get lost. To be
honest, I have forgotten
her name, lost somewhere
in the endearments -
honey, sweetheart, babe.
lost somewhere in the
name calling - bitch,
asshole, idiot. and there is
nothing more to say...
everything is lost in
thought.