My Shadow

by Nizar Sartawi
(Amman, Jordan)

Oh how you tire me out my shadow
you, the deformed ghost
of the pain dwelling within my ribs…!
How you push me to hide in the dark for fear
of you…!

When your ominous emaciated
gloomy image
chases me
or your clumsy silhouette
painted on my path
paces ahead of me
I feel I’m trotting
in front of you
or behind you
against my will
that you are pricking my neck
or pulling me by the nose
And if you beside me walk
I feel you are a monster lying in wait for me

about
to
rise up
on his feet
like a ghoul,
and leap
upon me
and put me
to death

All day long I tell
myself:
When my hour comes tomorrow
or after tomorrow
no doubt the angel of death will come
for me alone
and will forget you…
and you will attend my funeral
and participate in my burial

And when I am laid inside the earth
and all my buddies leave
you’ll stay for a while above my grave
to gloat over my misfortune
and laugh out loud
then go away

Who knows whom you will go with
after me!
to whom the bad luck will be passed!
a human like me, haunted with his premonitions
or a ferocious monster…?