So Alone ... but am I?

by Lynn Constantineau
(Gatineau, Quebec)

Just sitting in my room,
so alone wondering when I will feel sleepy,
so that I may just lie my head down and drift away.
But I don't I sit and stare out the window as everyone passes me by, not knowing that I'm even there looking down at them.
As the children play and people talk and laugh.
I send down a smile filled with fear and sorrow.
I know I'm feeling blue,
I will shake myself off and put on one of my many fake smiles, and just keep going.
Now, as I sit looking out of my window once again.
The stars are out, oh! So bright ...
As I sit and take a breath, my pain is deep, and I dream on.
As I dream a single tear falls from my eye, as I let it trickle down my cheek.
I feel, yes feel! But that is all I feel.
I am empty inside.
So alone once again!
Dreaming of the future, memories of my past life.
Can't seem to get past it, sitting here in the dark.
As I watch the clouds roll by.
Hiding all signs of living, all is so dark, no stars in the sky, no one outside.
As my mind blocks the world.
I sit here alone once again.
My heart is so full of pain!
But this time, I do not cry.
I have nothing left ...
As I sit here locked in my room.
Funny, no lock on the door, but no one comes.
Loneliness starts to creep.
My once happy thoughts, now blown away.
As I open the window to take in a breath.
As I feel suffocated.
I need to breath desperately!
But the air will not reach my lungs, as I gasp for air.
I close the world out from myself, as the window closes, so does my heart and all that I once felt.
I breath now, as I take in my breath, my world starts up a new.
I now live for myself.
I do not need my past memories.
I will make new ones, as I open my bedroom door; I see that all is now different.
I am happy once more, a new identity.
As I move towards the door to go outside.
I see my life as a new beginning; I am not alone, as I am with me! Always remember when you feel sad, don't lose hope, the day that hasn't come, will tomorrow.
With a new day ahead, and new ideas await you.
As I am not alone, I have me! Ti.xo

Always thinking Ti.xo