Turmoil...

by Shaista Khadim

I stare at the sun
My eyes start to hurt
I can taste the tears
Which stain my shirt.

Everyone thinks I am happy
That's what they think
But no one knows the story behind the scene
I've always been on the brink.

A quote I once read said:
You know my name
Not my story
You know what I've done
Not what I've gone through.

If I cry
I break a promise
If I laugh
I break a promise.

If I cry
My friend is hurt
If I laugh
I am hurt.

I look ahead
A new life awaits
I look behind
My inner self stares.

I don't want to see the new life
Neither do I want to forget my inner self
I don't know what I must do
I don't want to lose myself.

I'm not asking you to forget me
Because you forget someone who
has never troubled you
But me? I have given you enough pain
Now I don't have the courage to continue.

You say you have hurt me
I don't know what to say
Because how can I blame you for something
For which I am to be blamed?

You say you have broken the vow
But no match for what I have broken
Your ripped heart and shattered soul
Force my eyes shut.

I am in a turmoil
I don't want to be selfish
Please tell me something I can do
So I can put my heart in peace.